Insecurity

1: not confident or sure : uncertain
How does one become confident? When is one every sure? After almost 19 years of school why am I so afraid of sounding unintelligent? I refuse to speak when you are near because your ridicule haunts my dreams. My eyes focus on the ground so that no one will call on me. so that you can't see my interest.2: not adequately guarded or sustained : unsafe 
Oh, my heat is guarded; but I cannot speak to it's being sustained. You withhold your affection; I can tell by your eyes and sideway glasses. You notice me and I notice you, but we are each safe playing this childish game. As safe as I can be outside of my own room. not huddled under the covers.
3: not firmly fastened or fixed : shaky A breath of wind could knock me over as I stand on trembling knees. You casually brush by me, but the feeling lasts far into the day.
4: deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety
Blessed assurance should be all mine. But how can the mind accept what the heart rejects? My anxious heart is like to flutter away and fears keep my butt firmly planted on the ground.